Solitude

In case anybody's still wondering, I had a great time on my vacation; Jenn has evidence in case you haven't been over there yet. (Linking to this makes me quite less bloganonymous; that's one of the things I've been pondering recently.)

It was just nice to spend a few days in seclusion without a reliable Internet connection, so once I got home I just stayed offline for the next week, except for checking e-mail or catching up on the news. I just wanted a few days away from the pressure of coming up with new content. Then, just as I should have expected, once I felt like writing again, the back-to-back 12-hour shift routine started up again leaving me with no time to write. I'm squeezing this in during the few minutes I have between waking up and showering for another round of work. When am I going to learn to discipline myself enough so I can do my writing on my days off?

A lot of it has to do with the fact that I enjoy my time alone - perhaps too much. When Peggy passed, the quiet seemed strange at first, but I've had the time now to adjust back to my old loner ways. Still, it's not the same as when I was young and belligerent - I've learned over the years that I need people. But I need my time to myself, too. The problem is that when I get time alone, I crave more and more of it - it's like an addiction, and without anyone to shake me up and get me moving, I become more and more withdrawn, until I reach the point I'm at now, with friends I haven't talked to in weeks, and a long list of people I owe e-mails to.

The merry-go-round is turning again; Jenn and her daughters are part of my life now, and the coming weeks are bringing changes I could never have anticipated six months ago. I'm convinced these changes will be good for all concerned, and I look forward (a bit nervously) to what's in store for the future. But for right now, the loner in me is enjoying the time of solitude that I currently have.