The gospel according to lolcat

In the beginning...

My schedule's all messed up again. Last week, with several of our guys being out sick for an extended period, I volunteered for was forcibly removed to the night shift until further notice. Combined with the beginning of the annual spring cleaning and planting rituals around Pole Hill, there's been little time for prowling the internets.

It doesn't help that I've spent most of what little time I have online in fascinated study of the Lolcat Bible. This groundbreaking revelation of the Almighty Ceiling Cat is certainly "profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness" (2 Timothy 3:16, yet to be translated. The Lolcat Bible is in wiki form; they'd be happy to have more translators if you're interested.)

For example, the lolcat Ten Commandments:

1 Then Ceiling Cat spoked all them werds:


2 I iz Ceiling Cat An I iz Top Cat, An I broughted u out of hawt lend wit no cheezbrgrs for hard werk at all


3 No can has other ceiling cat!! U gotz other Ceiling Cat, I shoot yous wit mah lazer eyes.


4 If u try be Ceiling Cat of any of mai creayshunz up in floaty skai, down in erth or in watr or I shoot yous wit mah lazer eyes.5 If u think faek Ceiling Cat iz Ceiling Cat, I mek u ded An ur kittens ded An if yur kittenz have kittenz, dey be ded too, for being stupid.6 If not I wuv u An all ur lotz uf kittenz!


7 U sez Ceiling Cat bad, I shoot yous wit mah lazer eyes, cuz I dun liek it. Srsly.


8 Remembur caturday An keep holy.9 U werk 6 dais An finish werk, K?10 Caturday, u no werk. U An all ur peepz go wrship me. And, if yu beez gudd, I maks it so yu can stays home and do alla stuffs yu wanted tu doos.11 I maded heavenz An erth An see An the stuff that does teh funney hoppey stuffz in An on it - so I make it holy cuz I no werk.


12 Bez u good to papa An mama so u has long lief.


13 U no maek peepz ded! Srsly!


14 U no maek sexxes wit other gurlz or menz than ur wief (so no awsum treesum alowed!).


15 U no taek stuffs for free if not getz for free.


16 U no tell bad stuff about ur neibor.


17 U no wantz neibor stuff! No wief, no gurlz, no menz, no animulz, NO BUKKITZ! DEY NOT UR BUKKITZ, K? dey da LOLrus' bukkits.

The Ceiling Cat's Prayer:

Praise Ceiling Cat, who be watchin yu, may him has a cheezburger. Wut yu want, yu gets, srsly. Giv us dis day our dalee cheezburger. And furgiv us for makin yu a cookie, but eateding it. An leed us not into teh showa, but deliver us from teh wawter. Ceiling Cat pwns all. Him pwns teh ceiling an flor an walls too. Amen.

I think y'all will find this important translation to be highly educational and enlightening. I'll be back on track in the next few days, the good Ceiling Cat willing.